Assessment

The loving kindness exercise seemed akin to prayer, which I am far more familiar and comfortable with. It was easy for me to get swept away in the beauty, simplicity and power of the statements. It was a very peaceful feeling overall. As for the assessment...I realized that I need LOTS of work. For me, I will start with first things first which means that I need and want to develop my psychospiritual aspect. I am still working on the witnessing mind. In light of recent issues that I have been dealing with I have realized that I have made more progress than I had thought in this area, but there is still a ways to go. I feel like if I can reach the level of calm-abiding, much of the other aspects will fall into place more easily. Biologically I know that my mind and my body are inextricably entwined. Interpersonally I know that we are all connected to one another and am very comfortable with the worldly aspect of love and service. My inner self seems to be the biggest hang-up. In order to do this I will certainly need to find a meditation exercise that works well for me as well as other possible outlets (such as joining a gym or finding a workout routine that works for me). I did find that lying in a hot tub with all but my nose under water, breathing evenly and deeply and envisioning all of the "bad" energy seeping out through my fingertips and breathing in all of the "good" energy seemed to work better than most. The water helped mask the day to day noise in my house which helped immensely so I think that I will try and make this a routine...probably not every day, but at least 2 to 3 times a week. If I can calm the chatter...I will be well on my way.

Just Breathe

I must say that this past week has been one of the most difficult weeks I have had to endure in quite some time. My family has been reeling from the loss of five loved ones in less than a year and this past week we almost lost my dad. I went into this exercise having spent hours flying, driving and spending almost 16 hours a day sitting in the MICU watching over my dad. He is finally stable, but will most likely never fully recover...My mind is not settled as it should be and I am still trying to recover from the emotional and physical exhaustion and stress.
Unlike so many of you, I am not an "old hand" at meditation. Nor am I well on my way to possessing the unity consciousness. I am only beginning my journey to the level of of the witnessing mind and recent events have thrown me for a loop.
I sat down to try this units exercise and found that the breathing did seem to work for me. I must admit that I did do it lying on my bed, already worn out and in desperate need of a good night's sleep, but it seemed to come a bit easier than the loving kindness exercise for me. Perhaps that is because I didn't have to project the feelings back upon myself. It just seemed more relaxing overall.
As for spiritual wellness manifesting itself in my emotional and physical wellness I need only look to this past week again. Without my habit to pray...to close my eyes, bow my head and truly pray...I don't think that I would have come through this trial as well as I have. My faith gave me strength and courage. My sense of being a part of the Divine was a comfort. The more that I have grown in my faith as well as looking inward for answers, the better I have become as a person and the better my health has become. things that I used to suffer from no longer bother me. I still have so much to learn and so much growing yet to do though.

I have figured a few things out...

Even when my boys will leave me in peace and solitude by traipsing off to be with friends and I could have the quiet I need to meditate...I can't. I am blocking my own way. I seem to be suffering from what my grandmother always termed as "Mama's Guilt". It is the overwhelming feeling that, instead of sitting and relaxing (be it with meditation, a good book or a favorite movie) you must be doing something for your family.

When I have a few moments to spare my brain wants it filled with laundry, dishes, cooking, bill paying, mending...the list goes on and one...not to mention that I have to get caught up on all of my homework while I have a second to myself! It is an insanity that is only compounded by the grueling hours and wildly varying schedule that my husband has to keep with his job. I want to make sure that everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, is taken care of of so he doesn't have to worry about it also.

My rational mind says that I have to take time for myself so that I am able to give to my family and others...makes perfect sense. However, the crazy "get it all done now!" part of me, which isn't rational, seems to scream louder than anything and generally wins the battle.

Am I so intent on being a better mother than mine was to me that I can't get past it? The saying goes "The first step is admitting that you have a problem" and all I can think is that "Houston, we have a problem."

Loving Kindness Exercise

The loving kindness exercise was, I must admit, a little hard for me. It is so hard to find a quiet, uninterrupted space or time for me to seriously attempt the exercise. I have tried twice and could not get through all 15 minutes...which I am a bit ashamed to admit. I did manage to get in almost 10 minutes my second time around before my children wandered in with their gaggle of friends looking for drinks and snacks after basketball. Although they didn't walk into my bedroom, I couldn't help but hear the laughter, voices, cabinet and refrigerator doors opening and closing too many times to count along with the ever-present music playing.
I am determined to try, try again. I have even asked my oldest if he would like to join in. He seems very interested in the work that we have been doing in this course and a little inner reflection could do us all good. So, in that sense, I have recommended the exercise to someone else! Now if only there were 15 minutes of quiet that I didn't have to wake up at 3 a.m. to get....

The concept of a mental workout consists of exercises like the loving kindness exercise. We need to be wholly committed to working out our minds in order to attain the full benefits. The article published by Antoine Lutz from the University of Wisconsin reported significant differences in the levels of gamma waves in the brains of contemplatives as opposed to those of  the control group...even without asking them to visualize anything. The differences only increased when they were asked to develop a "compassionate mental state". If I can eventually get the loving kindness exercise down pat and eventually move on to other exercises I am sure that I will see an increase in the amount of peace and joy I feel just being alive and a decrease in the amount of stress and negativity that intrudes upon my life far too often.

This really is very new to me. The concepts are not foreign, as I have done quite a bit of reading prior to this class, but as far as putting them to practice...I am a total novice and am finding it hard to shut out the chaos that swirls around me everyday. Between a house chocked full with kids, my job, my class load, housework, yard work etc. it is so hard for me to find those few precious moments of quiet. I would appreciate any helpful suggestions.

Well-being

I think that often we don't take the time to analyze just how we are faring spiritually, physically and psychologically. We get so caught up in the minutiae and hectic day to day that we often lose sight of ourselves. Personally, using the 1-10 scale, I believe that spiritually I am at about a 6. It could be worse, but could be much better also. Physically I am at 5 in my estimation. I am about 15 pounds heavier than I should be and I know for certain that I need to walk more and eat a little less. Food is certainly my weakness. Psychologically I am at about a 7. Over the years I have learned coping skills and have found a person that I love who loves me back which takes so much stress out of the equation. Overall I would like to hit at least an 8 in all categories within the next year or two. I know that it doesn't happen overnight.

In order to do this I know I will have to dig deep and find the motivation to exercise more. Whether it be walking or yoga I need to make the time to get healthy. Spiritually, I can make more time to pray and meditate. The chances for these activities often get lost amongst the chaos of life with teens. As for psychologically...I can raise my score by continuing to learn coping skills and techniques as well as fostering and nurturing good relationships with those around me.

As far as the exercise goes I found it refreshing not frustrating. The guides voice was quite soothing and I really enjoyed the use of color visualization as an aid to meditation. When the exercise was finished I felt very much at peace and calm. I think I may be listening to this one again soon!