Even when my boys will leave me in peace and solitude by traipsing off to be with friends and I could have the quiet I need to meditate...I can't. I am blocking my own way. I seem to be suffering from what my grandmother always termed as "Mama's Guilt". It is the overwhelming feeling that, instead of sitting and relaxing (be it with meditation, a good book or a favorite movie) you must be doing something for your family.
When I have a few moments to spare my brain wants it filled with laundry, dishes, cooking, bill paying, mending...the list goes on and one...not to mention that I have to get caught up on all of my homework while I have a second to myself! It is an insanity that is only compounded by the grueling hours and wildly varying schedule that my husband has to keep with his job. I want to make sure that everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, is taken care of of so he doesn't have to worry about it also.
My rational mind says that I have to take time for myself so that I am able to give to my family and others...makes perfect sense. However, the crazy "get it all done now!" part of me, which isn't rational, seems to scream louder than anything and generally wins the battle.
Am I so intent on being a better mother than mine was to me that I can't get past it? The saying goes "The first step is admitting that you have a problem" and all I can think is that "Houston, we have a problem."
Julie-
ReplyDeleteI completely understand you and your post! I too was the same way, but trust me when I tell you that you will get sick if you don't take care of yourself first! As the old saying goes if you aren't taking care of you then how can you possibly care for someone else? If you feel guilty taking an hour to yourself, do it for 5 minutes! Take 5 minutes to go for a short walk, or take 5 minutes and do a few yoga poses, or take 5 minutes and sit in quiet! Even just 5 minutes a day can make a difference! I am sending out a prayer for you to find the extra 5 minutes to take care of you! You deserve it!
Julie...you definitely do NOT have a problem!! :0) In fact, I believe your dilemma is one that most mothers have...I know I do! I am a single mother & find it very difficult at times to just slow down & take a moment out for myself. I have found that with all responsibilities of being a good mom & making sure that I am ALWAYS there for my kids tends to get the best of me. I have say though...I have found the best time to meditate is at night...just before I go to sleep! :0) This way you may not feel guilty while doing it...everyone is already tucked in...
ReplyDeleteHi Julie, what you are experiencing is normal for most mothers. Being a mother and grandmother is even harder sometimes. Since I turned 50 years young I decided to make a few changes in my life. I understand that change is good and necessary. I decided to take care of myself especially mentally. I also joined a fitness center and I go everyday regardless of what is going on around me within reason. I take the time to do things for me that will make be a better person. So there should be no guilt involved because we are not superwomen; just chronic nurtures. Just be sure to nurture ourselves each day to stay mentally healthy and productive. Always love yourself!!
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